All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of potato chips!

Alcohol – Because no great story every started with someone eating a salad.

The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you never know if they are genuine.

If Facebook ruins relationships then guns kill people, pencils misspell words, cars make people drive drunk & spoons make you fat.

If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?

Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

If Microsoft buys Facebook. Than the first notification we will get will be: “You have to install driver to add friends”.

A baby monkey asks his father thus; father, why are we so ugly? The father says: don’t stress my son, you should see the one reading this text.

Be the kind of woman that when your feet touch the ground in the morning, the devils says “Oh no she’s up.”

Common sense is the sense rarely found in common people.

Don’t trouble the trouble unless the trouble troubles you…if you trouble the trouble ..the trouble will double trouble you.

A clear conscience is a sign of a bad memory.

Everything is legal. Until you get caught.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up.

If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.

Google: I have everything. !! Facebook: I know everyone. ! Tweeter: I know what you guys think!! Internet: Gosh!!!w/out me. !!you guys are nothing!!!

Guns don’t kill people, it’s mostly the bullets.

I don’t want to look at the bright side. It’ll hurt my eye.

School is like a prison. But they won’t let you out early for good behavior.

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again ?

There is a light at the end of every tunnel…just pray it’s not a train!.

Life is too short to remove the USB device safely.

If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.

I live in my own little world. But its ok, they know me here.

I have great faith in fools; self- confidence my friends call it.

Think if man evolved from monkeys then why do we still have monkeys?

All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.