I got all dewy eyed when I saw my husband looking at our marriage certificate for half an hour. Then I found out he’s been looking for an expiry date.

Marriage is an institution of three rings. Engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.

Father to son: hey son! Why is your mother sitting so silent today?? . . . . Son: nothing dad.!!!! she asked forlipstick and i heard favistick. Father: god bless you my dear son..

More or less, every husband is like a movie; Produced by Mother and Directed by Wife!

BEIZATI aur BIWI ajeeb cheez hoti hai gaur farmaye BEIZATI aur BIWI ajeeb cheez hoti hai . . . Acchhi tabhi lagti hai jab dusre ki hoti hai.

Husband sent an sms to wife: thanks for making my life wonderful and being a part of my life. What ever i am is only because of u, u r my angel thanks for coming in my life and making it worth living. You're great. She replied that sms: pee li na ? Ab chup chap ghar aa jao.. Daro mat..

“Fancy that, Bob, I bought my wife an amazing white gold necklace with a platinum pendant and she didn’t speak to me for a month!” “Really?! What got her so upset?” “Nothing, that was part of the deal.”

Women are like Fruits... Every one has its unique colour, shape, aroma and taste.... Problem is with men...! They want FRUIT SALAD..!!

Two Army Men were talking: Army Man 1: Why did you join the army? Army Man 2: I didn't have a wife and I loved war, so I joined... How about you? Why did you join the army? Army Man 1: I joined because I had a wife and I loved peace!

All Husbands are like Bluetooth. Always connected to wife when she is around. But The moment wife is Away, They automatically start searching new devices.

How did you like your lunch today, darling?” “Oh you just have to look for reasons to fight, don’t you?!”

Honey, what will you give me for our 25th anniversary? - A trip to Thailand? - Wow, that’s awesome, and for our 50th anniversary? - Then I pick you up again.

Long-term marriage? That means that when your wife asks you to strip, it’s more likely that she’s trying to fill up the space in the washing machine than anything else.

What's the difference between a bachelor and a married man? Bachelor comes home, checks out what's in the fridge & goes to bed. Married man comes home, checks out what's in the bed & goes to the fridge.

A man and his wife have to go to a doctor. The doctor asks, “Do you share the same blood group?” The husband replies, “We must by now. She’s been sucking my blood for years.”

My wife told me she needs more space. I said no problem and locked her out of the house.

We’ve had some problems and after a while decided to go for marriage counseling. And despite my initial reservations, I must say we got some excellent advice. Like, I should treat my wife as I did when we started dating. So last week I took her to the cinema. Then I dropped her off at her parents!

Honey, do you think I gained weight? - No, I think the living room got smaller.

Real Astronomers are in our family, 1st Mother who showed the moon in childhood. 2nd papa - who used to show the whole universe in just 1 slap. Third wife - who shows stars during the day. This NASA is just confusion.

Wife: Tum muje apne sath Bangkok kyu nahi le jate..?? Best answer given ever :- Husband: Areh Pagli, Restaurant me bhi koi Tiffin le jata hai kya..

An elderly couple talk in the evening: “Honey, I’m so sorry that I let out my anger at you so often. How do you manage to stay so calm with my foul moods?” “I always go and clean the toilet when that happens.” “And that helps?” “Yes, because I’m using your toothbrush.”

She: “All my friends are telling me I married an idiot!” He: “What they mean is, only an idiot would’ve married you!”

Arguing with the wife is a lot like trying to read the Terms of Use on the internet. In the end you just give up and go “I Agree”.

My husband and I had very happy twenty years. After that we met.