I never run with scissors. Those last two words were unnecessary.
Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green.
Attraction is temporary love but love is permanent attraction.
Some guys will tell you they love you, and won’t even know your favorite color.
I’m knot a blonde! I’m knot, I’m knot, I’m knot!
When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
When you stop making quotes about life giving you lemons, you will find true happiness in your life.
Everyone wants to top in exams but no one wants to study.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
It’s not cheating unless you get caught.
Women’s weapon, water- drops.
Flirting is a risky game. One mistake, and you are committed.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
I don’t have a short temper. But I have a quick reaction to wrong action.
If you think you are too small to have an impact, try going to bed with a mosquito.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
I study high. I take the test high. Therefore, I should get high scores
When someone says “Can I ask you a question?” they didn’t really give you a choice.
Apple wanted to make a iPod for kids. Apparently the name “iTouch kids” didn’t sit very well.\
Toilet paper: highly useful, yet inappropriate as a gift.
If someone asks, why is it so hot in here? Say, Okay I’ll get out if you want.
Got back from grocery store. Reading the ingredients I noticed: The lemonade was made with artificial flavoring. But the dish soap was made with real lemons.
The awkward moment when Wikipedia has copied your homework.
My mother never understood the irony in calling me a “son- of- a- b*tch.
Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first.
Me and my wife are happy. At least when we are not together.
Nobody likes change, except a wet baby.
Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time, I think I’ve forgotten this before.
In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That’ll teach ’em not to f*** with you.
Some times when I am alone, I Google myself.